I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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