The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
