my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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