my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
