This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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