P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Success! We fucked roommates!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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