textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
