I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
