Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When are your genitals available?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
