When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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