she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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