im so drunk with asians
where?
always
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
