The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
