life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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