I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
