Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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