worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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