she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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