Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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