You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
