i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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