Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
