Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
