I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish they made helmets for livers.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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