sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize