Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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