cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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