She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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