i barfeds in our rink
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize