Cold hands, warm shart.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just sent this text using only my big toe
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
