New invention idea: vibrating tampons
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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