is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
