I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
