smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
