i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
