he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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