I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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