I need help removing her.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
