You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
