This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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