Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
