so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
