we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize