dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
