Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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