Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
