You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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