woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize