You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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