WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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