shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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