i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
