Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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