weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
