Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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