I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
