3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
