Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
