is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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