sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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