I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
