So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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