This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
