Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
