think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
