sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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